Have you ever had so much stress put upon you and no one wants to help you or doesn't care and can't relate to what  you are going through? 

Well... I feel exactly that everyday and I don't know how how long I can take this. I feel my health is not getting better and I've had this serious health condition for almost a whole year. There are times I just want to give up because most of the times I struggle to breath brought on by an inncident that happened last year and I feel heavy pressure upon my chest like someone smashing it. I feel I have missed out on a lot of things I would of normally done this summer and I'm sick of suffering with this. I've lived with this and most people would of taken their own life by now because this is not a way to live.  I feel like I can't move on with my life such as have a relationship with that special someone because who would want me?  Also I can't deal with any more stress which is what it would come to if it became a serious relationship. I would not want to have to explain myself since it would tire me out . No guy would want to put up with that and would surely leave me.

The reason I don't end it is because I have strong faith in the lord, I'm not a quitter and I'm not going to bring another tragedy upon my family. It would be selfish and wrong to leave them that burden of my loss. I'm also inspired to live my life and I made plans for next summer already so I'm struggling to exist and make it as long as I can, but deep down inside I'm terrified.

I fear because of my poor health that I'm not going to live that long and it's only a matter of time before *hopefully a long time* before I pass on. I'm scared that because of this struggling to breath that I'm putting more pressure on my organs and my heart has been beating out of my chest latey.  I'm afraid that I may never be able to be as physical as I once was and that I may never be able to full fill my dream of working with animals. I fear I may be layed off by my work because I have been on medical disability for a long time and I'm freaking out about what this health condidition really is and if it's peramanent or not. 

So you see I suffer everyday with this and I try to remain optimistic because I believe the mind is what controls the body so if I remain hopeful and try to be in good spirits then I will not be putting stress on myself.  Feeling sorry for myself is not going to fix the problem and I keep telling myself that everyday, but there is only so much I can handle and take. I'm only human with emotions and it's just not fair that this has to happen to me.