Just so you guys know who are still in contact with me and who refer to me as their friend, please note that I can not take any more drama from people. I have enough of it from my own family and my own ordeal. A person can only take enough. I got to be stop being so sensitve, but it happens and it is part of who I am. I'm dealing with my own crisis in my own home so I apologize if this comes off as being rude. I'm just not in the mood anymore to put up with anyone who has a problem with me and I feel like I'm not loved and that none of you give a damn about me.

Hey guys. I just wanted to let you know I'm not dead. I don't get around to posting very often. I've been busy with rpging, working on my newest music video, writing and typing my fanfiction and among some other things. I'll try to post more often and respond to more of your posts. Man sometimes I sure can be lazy. I need to spread the word of my journal and learn more about the features.

This was very interesting that I learned from watching this historical special called God vs. Satan. What I found so eye opening was in the book of revelation at the time for the Apoclypse which would lead to Armagedon (Good vs. Evil) and then the Day of Judgement for mankind.
Historians say that how it begins are the constant blood shed, natural disasters and wars. that constantly occur without notice. This is how the state of our world is in now, but the true sign according to the Book Of Revelation is the coming of the four rides and four different signifining approaching doom. A red horse means, war, a black means death, a green means famine and the white horse represented the coming of a notorious approach.

Then there are the seven seals where the first four seals respresented the 4 horses with riders, the fifth seal was hail I believe and the other two I can't recall except I remember the show saying that one of the seals had to do with the justice or the vengence of all those who suffered and were killed for their beliefs, but there were signs of approaching doom. What would happpen before the angels were sent down with their trumpets for the brink of annhilation, the good and the faithful would vanish and enter heaven where as the others would be tested and live a mortal life of the worst possible. Satan would have two demons that take on the form of monsters. but one of them would become one the world's most cruelest nemisis such as Hitler etc. The two demons were called the Anti Christ and the False Prophet. The  false prophet would be a demon disguised as a human who would teach others about turning away from God and speak lies hoping to persuade and trick people into joining Satan. The Anti Christ would be a leader of Satan's armies that aquire more souls. He then would attack the City of Jersrusalm where Jesus would come back to earth and fight as a divine warrior. He was depicted with the weapon of spreding the words of Christ, but he held a sword in his mouth so he was now ready to take on the evil.

In the end, after the war is fought Satan loses and his two evil leaders the anit christ and false prophet are cast into the lake of fire meaning Hell where as he is chained and thrown into an Abysss for a 1,000 years where Jesus the Messiah and rules the Earth as a earthly king for 1,000 years and the earth becomes a Utopia; however, Lucifer is given another chance to where he resorts back to his true evil nature and longing for power and begins to infuence mankind again and gets more souls. Lucifer is finally thrown into the Lake of Sulfur (fire) to where he burns day and night for enternity. God then decides before blowing up the earth and universe and creating a new one, that the remainng surviros of this would then face the Day of Judgement of where there souls will spend enternity.

My point being of all this is based on interprepertation, but I believe it will happen, but no one knows when and if it will happen in our life time.

Ever endured intense pain that caused you to scream at the top of your lungs? I did today and on a scale of 1-10 I would say that was a 12! It was the most painful experience in my life. Ok, for all you people who are reading this you're thinking so what is the big deal? Let me tell ya and you'll be shocked by someone my age of 25 had to even endure something like that. Actually I'm going to paint you a picture. So I go to the puliminary department in the hospital and I'm seated in this glass inclosure where I have a series of breathing tests with a tube in my mouth and my nose clipped with a nose clip. I'm told to do different series of breathing tests like inhale and blow as hard as you can, then do that 4 more times and then hypervenilate. Well that caused me to gag, but after doing it again I was ok. This is nothing compared to what happpens next.

I  was told to change into the hospital gown and then prepped for an ekg. Next I'm taken to another side of the room where my pulmonaligst, not a technician has a respiratory therpist and radiologist hold my hand and talk to me to keep me distracted from what she had to do. Here's the intense painful part of my event. My doctor inserted a thin tubing into my freakin artery, not vein like an iv,but the artery itself. Can you imagine how painful that was for me? I literally tensed and screamed out in a high pitch tone that everone in the waiting room heard. My arm was taped to the workstation table so there wouldn't be as much movement on my part and I had to control my breathing.

 To make matters worse, my artery was not cooperating and was pulsating so it was more shocking to my system especially my nerves to have to be awake and suffer through this. She then threaded a medical sticture through my artery and had to sew it in there to keep it from pulling out. So while nearly breaking the nurses's hand that I was gripping, I then threw up most likely from the shock and pain. Fourty five minutes later, she finished that procedure and told me to get on a stationary bike to measure my oxygendation levels during rest and excerise. So I get on the bike with the bloody painful reminder that the needle and tubes were in the artery of my left arm, and pedal with an ekg wires on my chest, head gear on my head, and a tube in my mouth with my nose plugged.  I pedal with all this stuff and during that time, my blood pressure was checked numerous times and a specialist comes in and draws my blood many times to check the levels while I pedal and try to remain between 60 and 65.

So on top of intense pain in my left arm, I'm feeling out of breath as the pressure increases. I was able to go for 6 minutes before I reached the climax or my max. I nearly passed out and had to rest for awhile. My doctor removed the thread and tubing from my artery and applied heavy pressure to keep it from bleeding. Finally I was able to get dressed after they heavily bandaged my left wrist where the line and tubes were in my artery. I then discovered I was there for 3 whole hours and left with a throbbing stinging left arm to where it hurts so bad to move it and so I had to type with my right hand for this journal entry to tell of my experience one where I hope no one ever has to experience this severity of pain and anguish.

Hopefully this doesn't happen, but I'm prepared in case of an emergency such as a fire. I've made a list of what I'm going to pack in my car if I have to leave my home. I have to many valueable things that are not replaceable. I guess I'm a little paranoid if anything, but it's better to be safe than sorry. I used to think of October as the month of Halloween, but now I think of it as the month of misery.  I've been to many funerals for this month. I recently attended one of my aunt's funeral and real soon will be the 1 year rememberance of my grandfather. Later in the month towards the third week will also mark the one year painful experience of the fires that nealry looked as if Hell was unleashed  that night that led to my poor health. I can't wait for Halloween. It's the only good thing I look forward to in October.

 The fate of the country rests in our hands so who are you guys leaning towards? Who is the lesser of both evils? Yes I believe politicians are all corrupt because they are consumed with power. We need a change and I support Sarah Palin and admire her in many ways so generally my vote will be for McCain. The last thing is higher taxes and more control in the goverment.

I feel tomorrow September 25th 2008 is going to be one of  the obstacles to overcome in my life as of now. Hopefully this encounter will be one of my guides of my endless journey of seeking justice of what has happened to me as of last year when this whole nightmare began. I believe  those that suffer everyday of their life and have to live with a hardship changes you for the better. It makes you stronger and able to overcome adversity. I've learned  not to be so nice and to stand up for myself and not be taken advantage of by people in general. If you want the detailsof what this hardship is please private message me for I will not say it here.

So if anyone has been watching the show and hopefully you guys will vote for the finalists top 5.  Now the hard part willl be who to vote for.

So who did you guys vote for to go through to the top 20?  Don't forget to watch it  tomorrow night and vote again for the next 10.

So summer is almost over and I was wondering how many of you will be going back to school may it be highschool or college and what do you hope to accomplish? I already have a degree and I'm going from there. 

It's about time I finally got one. Now I can be online anytime I wish. It's a really nice one too. It has a 17 inch screen and has 4 GB. It's the one you would need to make music videos on at such high speeds. It's from Toshiba and I consider it to be my baby in a weird sort of way.

 I would pretty much stick to wearing the Organization XIII cloak  from Kingdom Hearts II.

Have you ever had so much stress put upon you and no one wants to help you or doesn't care and can't relate to what  you are going through? 

Well... I feel exactly that everyday and I don't know how how long I can take this. I feel my health is not getting better and I've had this serious health condition for almost a whole year. There are times I just want to give up because most of the times I struggle to breath brought on by an inncident that happened last year and I feel heavy pressure upon my chest like someone smashing it. I feel I have missed out on a lot of things I would of normally done this summer and I'm sick of suffering with this. I've lived with this and most people would of taken their own life by now because this is not a way to live.  I feel like I can't move on with my life such as have a relationship with that special someone because who would want me?  Also I can't deal with any more stress which is what it would come to if it became a serious relationship. I would not want to have to explain myself since it would tire me out . No guy would want to put up with that and would surely leave me.

The reason I don't end it is because I have strong faith in the lord, I'm not a quitter and I'm not going to bring another tragedy upon my family. It would be selfish and wrong to leave them that burden of my loss. I'm also inspired to live my life and I made plans for next summer already so I'm struggling to exist and make it as long as I can, but deep down inside I'm terrified.

I fear because of my poor health that I'm not going to live that long and it's only a matter of time before *hopefully a long time* before I pass on. I'm scared that because of this struggling to breath that I'm putting more pressure on my organs and my heart has been beating out of my chest latey.  I'm afraid that I may never be able to be as physical as I once was and that I may never be able to full fill my dream of working with animals. I fear I may be layed off by my work because I have been on medical disability for a long time and I'm freaking out about what this health condidition really is and if it's peramanent or not. 

So you see I suffer everyday with this and I try to remain optimistic because I believe the mind is what controls the body so if I remain hopeful and try to be in good spirits then I will not be putting stress on myself.  Feeling sorry for myself is not going to fix the problem and I keep telling myself that everyday, but there is only so much I can handle and take. I'm only human with emotions and it's just not fair that this has to happen to me.

If you don't know who he is I'll refresh your memory. He is the voice actor of Reno and Axel!  I even got to ask him some questions. Here's a clip of me cosplayed as Demyx asking "Axel"  what we all want to know.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qok5u8vhX_s

 Man these creatures can't seem to get along and are going to end up killing each other and their planet. We are the superior species.

 Guys! I'm on you tube!

If you want to see me in one of my cosplay outfits at Anime Expo 2008 in Los Angeles check this link out. I'm the high priest also known as High Priest Seto with blue and gold and the headress with mantle. You'll get to see what I look like sort of.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-bnez3Yclc

I wondering if someone would be as so kind to make me a layout with Demyx? I would make one if I knew how. Please contact me and I'll let you know how I would like it.

I've been reading so many put downs about this member lately that I just had to  put my two cents in.

Ok this is the comment I keep hearing about Demyx from many discussions and debates. So many people think that Demyx can't use his powers without the use of his sitar.  Well I happen to know who these people are and I have some things to say about that.  When he became all serious with Sora, did anyone happen to see his weapon before seeing water spew upwards? I didn't think so. He channels his power within his being and then forms an orb of water that transforms into his beloved sitar that he uses to manipulate water through music. 

Also water is his element, but music is also part of his soul which controls his range of attacks. The higher the tempo the more destructive the blast is. Not only does he use his sitar to control his element, he also swings it around and strikes anyone who gets in his way so yes people he can truly fight when he feels he is forced to.

The last thing I wanted to mention about this beloved organization member is that Demyx has two sides and he is not bipolar because if he were he wouldn't remember anything that happened in his other state. The fun loving carefree incompetent side that the other members consider a nuisscane  is clearly a farce, a mask if you will to hide his true self; the side that is revealed after he closes his eyes and says the line "Silence traitor." 

This is only a rumor, but many people tend to think that because of his true self that the other members considerd him a traitor for  he had his own intentions amd therefore was shunned as a outcast.

Who knows? Maybe he  considered himself  a threat which was why he portrayed himself being weak, absent minded and a clown.Maybe it was all an act so not to deal with the higher ups. There is more to Demyx then meets the eye. Clearly his line "You shouldn't judge anyone by appearances" does have some relevance after all.

Feel free to comment.